Articles Social Shop Milf Life Posts Featured PostsA Mother’s Right To Sanity#MilfLife Articles / FeaturedThis Post was originally published on (link to post) My psychiatrist told me this week that even working moms today spend more time with their kids than stay-at-home moms did in the 1950s. To be honest, I could use a little dose of throwback parenting. I’d love to be like those moms, sipping gin and tonics together on the porch in their tennis dresses while their kids ran around the neighborhood until dinnertime. Instead, I’m hunched over my phone, my fingers flying trying to keep up with eight million kid-related emails, while simultaneously trying to have “quality time” with whichever kid I’m currently dropping off somewhere. How did we go from there to here?! Those moms wouldn’t be able to survive an afternoon in today’s parenting framework. Now in 2017, I’m a typical mom on the verge of a nervous breakdown. With four kids at three schools in New York City, I have to work full-time just to keep up with everything. Mind you some of these are things I’ve created as problems for myself, like why did I sign them up for football, gymnastics, soccer and animal care class if it’s so stressful for me to get them all there on time? But how could I not?!! I’d be missing an enriching childhood experience! My kids would be deprived! Behind! Under-stimulated! AHHHH! Never mind the fact that in the unstructured time at home, they’re almost never bored. The other day my little ones spent over an hour pulling each other around the living room on a broom laughing hysterically. The laundry “claw” is the hottest “toy” we have. My inbox is a joke. Every class has a curriculum night, a parents’ cocktail party, a mom’s coffee or drinks session and parent-teacher conference. All classes have some sort of special snack, event or donation that would be absolutely and totally life-ending for my kids if I forgot it, like bringing in a stuffed animal for chapel or donating the box of required rice (rice!! I’m not kidding!) for the school picnic. I just added an iCal event for the days when Eli the stuffed elephant will be coming home from school with us. Those 1950s moms didn’t even have email! Plus, it’s not just their schools. Every single activity now seems to have an orientation, a parent viewing class (with medals!) and required outfit changes. “This week, wear black shorts and a white t-shirt!” Why?! Why?!!! Class trips, chaperoning field trips, picture day, dress up day, dress down day, PA meetings, class meetings, the food allergy affinity group meeting, the winter carnival kick-off. I have so many overlapping events on my calendar that I can’t even see what’s underneath it all. Plus all the apps and group shares I have to subscribe to so I can, say, watch my daughter’s science class in action or monitor my son’s homework assignments. God forbid I add anything for myself in my calendar, even like get myself to the dentist for that tooth that’s been electrifying me every time I eat for the past six months. And hmm, why would I be eating? The stress of the 24/7 parenting vortex hardly ever ends, except, at least for me, from 9:30 pm after my oldest goes to bed, until around 11 pm when my youngest starts coming in my room saying he needs more water or my little daughter sneaks in to start spooning me. I could use that time to bond with my husband or deal with the six thousand digital photos I need to do something with, but instead I usually hit the pantry. My go to’s right now are vanilla animal crackers. With a shot of tequila. Speaking of drinking, I’ve never felt so dependent on an evening glass of wine. The other day, my doctor had to put me on an antibiotic, because at some point my body starts breaking down. “But,” the doctor said, “you can’t drink for three days when you’re on it.” I waited to take that antibiotic for almost two weeks until I could bear to part with my coveted evening drink. I used to love to work out but with the kids’ athletic practices and sports classes, my workouts now are just getting there. I know even 30 minutes on an elliptical would make me feel better, but usually once I hop on, I have to field calls from the school nurse, the doctor’s offices confirming appointments, or other essentials until I realize I haven’t even heard a single song on the headphones I retrieved from my older daughter’s trash heap of a desk drawer and it’s time to pick up my little son from school. I am beat. I am throwing in the towel: you know, the one with my daughter’s pre-printed name tag label affixed on it. I can’t do it all anymore. I can’t remember the Kids in Sports t-shirt on Tuesday afternoons – or is it Mondays? I can’t remember to get perfect birthday gifts for kids’ parties, not to mention my own friends and family. I can’t rush from reading them books at bedtime to another class cocktail party, then back to do spelling quizzes and greatest common factor math homework with my big kids. (What did that math term even mean?!!) I don’t even have time to shave my legs anymore. Mani/pedis? We’re talking annually. Forget my eyebrows. Somehow I still manage to look put together, but inside I’m a mess. There has only been one night in the last four years that no kids have woken me up, at least on my days. And by “my days,” I should throw in that the stress of the four kids didn’t exactly help my first marriage so I also have custody schedules, packing for different houses and interacting with my ex while simultaneously celebrating my recent wedding. The other morning in bed, as I reached over to check email and started responding about a kids’ playdate while digesting another note from my ex, my new hubby reached over and tried to put his hand up my shirt. Are you kidding me? I’m like in mom ninja warrior mode here! In fact, with the two little ones coming in every night no matter what failed methods I’ve tried to get them to stay in their beds, it’s practically impossible to have sex. How do any relationships survive this parenting overdrive? I know I’m “lucky” in that my new husband and I get to spend time together every other weekend when my ex has the kids, but I swear, if we didn’t, I don’t know how we’d survive. And I’m madly in love with him. Having kids today (perhaps worse with multiple kids, perhaps worse in the city, but who knows?!) is a recipe for marital discord and psychological catastrophe. But what can be cut out? I’m not sure. Maybe moms could tag team some of the events, like “Hey, you go to curriculum night and write my kid a note and I’ll take both our parent-teacher conferences?” Maybe we could ask the schools to tone down the communications and events. Maybe I should just start skipping it all. But then I’d never get to interact with anyone who doesn’t watch “Paw Patrol.” Maybe I should kick up my heels and talk to my friends on the phone, 1950’s style, while the kids zone out in front of the TV. I almost never get to talk to my friends anymore except the ones doing the same drop-offs and pick-ups, but thank god for those moms because without a little venting, I wouldn’t be able to make it through each day. Because the thing is, I had all these kids because I adore kids, especially mine, and I just want to be with them, snuggle with them, laugh with them, play. I don’t want to be so wrapped up in managing their lives that I can’t just sit on the floor in the afternoon and have a tea party. That’s why I signed up for the stay-at-home-mom gig, not to use my MBA skills to organize class car pools. I think there needs to be a movement to reclaim a mother’s (or father’s!) right to sanity, even a mother’s right to just to play with the kids without getting hopelessly behind on texts and emails. A mother’s right not to constantly deal with school reminders, newsletters and lice check alerts. I don’t want to be so busy all the time being a full-time kid-manager than I can’t just be with the kids. Parenting shouldn’t be this much of an office job, every day filled with forms and sign-ups, spreadsheets and logisitics management. Moms need a break from it all so we can be good moms, the caregivers we long to be, not stressed executives at home too. Yesterday, I got a school email to bring in empty toilet paper rolls. No. No! I’m not doing it. I just can’t do it anymore. I’m taking my kids to the neighborhood bookstore for an hour to read and color, play and just be with them. If that makes me a bad class mom, sign me up. This Post was originally published here: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/a-mothers-right-to-sanity-starting-the-movement-to_us_59d8fe0ee4b0cf2548b3379a?section=us_parents... Hilarious Missed Connection: Target Mom Friend#MilfLife Articles / FeaturedThis Post was originally published on (link to post) For many moms, walking into Target is akin to entering a state of nirvana. This special relationship has spawned fan Instagram accounts and maternity photo shoots. One mother even gave birth in a Target (albeit unintentionally). So it’s no surprise that the big-box store is like a playground for making mom friends. At least that’s how Nikki Pennington sees it. On Sep. 26, the mom and blogger posted a missed connection ad on Facebook addressed “To The Mom In Target.” “You were at Target last night about 7pm in the crayon aisle. I was wearing my mom couture complete with dry shampoo hair, no makeup, yesterday’s T-shirt and yoga pants,” Pennington wrote. “You were also wearing yoga pants with flip flops and a messy bun. The venti Starbucks in your hand was a dead giveaway that even though you were wearing yoga pants you had in fact not come from the gym,” she added, noting that she was doing the exact same thing. Pennington wrote that the contents of her fellow shopper’s cart confirmed her suspicions that they were “meant to be best mom friends”: diapers, soda, wine and chocolate. Though they bumped carts, that seems to have been the extent of their interaction. So Pennington used her missed connection ad to let the fellow mom know that she would be back at Target again next week “because let’s be honest, I live there.” She concluded, “Maybe I’ll see you again, same time, same aisle and this time we can wander around aimlessly in Target together for our moms night out.” The Facebook post received nearly 8,000 likes and has been shared more than 2,400 times. Pennington ― who has three sons, ages 7, 5 and 3 ― told HuffPost she wrote the post after coming home from Target that night and telling her husband about her potential mom friend. “He jokingly said I should put an ad out to find my future best mom friend,” she said. “I thought it was a great idea and thought what better way than on social media.” Pennington said the response on Facebook has been “great” and she has especially enjoyed reading the comments ― “So many stories of moms who actually have lasting friendships and met in the aisles of Target!” Ultimately, she wants her post to inspire other women like herself. Said Pennington, “I hope it will encourage other moms to get out there and say hi to each other and not miss out on a potential friend like I did.” This Post was originally published here: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/mom-writes-hilarious-missed-connection-ad-to-potential-mom-friend-at-target_us_59d38c85e4b0655781556fdf?section=us_parents... Hot Mess Is the New Hot#MilfLife Articles / Featured / Main SliderThis Post was originally published on (link to post) It wasn’t starting out as one of my best mornings… The older teen had to be up and out of the house at the crack of dawn for some football thing, the younger teen had spent the entire night playing Minecraft and eating cheesy salsa — which apparently, he prepared all over every surface of my kitchen and his bedroom – and the husband had an early morning appointment that he could not be late for, which meant he had dibbs on the bathroom. So I was left showerless (and mirrorless) to drive my son to an outting with no less than 30 of his teammates. Without my morning coffee, and still in “workout clothes” — old yoga pants and a ratty t-shirt — I was a true vision of beauty, and just an all around delightful person to hang with, so you can imagine how pleased I was when we arrived at the school and ALL the other moms were not only still there, but actually looked happy about it! They were even dressed… in real clothes… like you’d wear to go out of your house and be seen in… I planned to do the usual “drop and roll,” pretending I had somewhere really important to be in the next five minutes and simply could not stop to chat, but as soon as my son’s body cleared the minivan door, one of the peppy moms GOT IN! I don’t even know how she did it, it was like some kind of ninja-Houdini move, but there she was, sitting in my passenger’s seat with her head bouncing up and down and squawking at me like a parrot asking me “did you hear?!” “DID you HEAR?!” HEAR WHAT?! OH MY GAH… WHAT?! Why are you in my car? And why do you smell like donuts and Chanel? And do you have coffee?? WHAT?! In her most offended and obnoxious voice, she asked if I had heard the rumor that some of the fathers had been at a bonfire and apparently “came up with a “MILF” list!” Of course she was on it, but according to her, so was I! I had to think about that for a minute because in my caffeine fog, I heard MILK and wasn’t really sure how I fit into that category… but when I realized what she had actually said, I was even more confused. First of all, who chose that list? Were any of them hot? How do they know me? Were my son’s friends there… ewwww! Why wasn’t I invited to the bon fire? Was there food? How did she get on that list? Were the standards high? Have any of those people seen me before coffee? Did they have coffee? But mostly, am I supposed to be offended? And it’s that last question that actually came flying out of my mouth, which I’m thinking (judging by my friend’s reaction) that wasn’t the right question… “OF COURSE you should be offended! You should be pissed! Do you know what MILF stands for? Is that how the dads SEE us?” I do know what it stands for, I guess I’ve just never thought of myself as one. I mean, I can see some celebrity types in that category, like Kim Kardashian or Sandra Bullock — but certainly not me! Personally, sitting there in my 15-year-old minivan which smells like spoiled gatorade and gym socks, wearing stretched out yoga pants, a Jonas brothers t-shirt, no bra, no coffee, no shower, and cheesy salsa as both make-up and hair product… I was kind of flattered. It’s not like I would ever ACT on that accronym, but the thought that at 43-years-old with two teens, a 26-year-marriage and not a single personal trainer or airbrushing, I made the list, well that put a pretty big pep in my step. When I got home, I didn’t just guzzle coffee to give me the energy to clean up the cheesy kitchen until it was time for the next pick up… I blasted the stereo and had a dance party with Maroon 5 in my kitchen! I actually did a workout in my workout clothes, then I put on a bra and some “outside clothes,” and smiled at myself in the mirror while I brushed my teeth. Unlike my friend who chose to be offended at her new title, I chose to realize that even though some days I may feel like a taxi drivin’, house cleanin’, bad hair day havin’ , hot mess of a zombie mom… to the other parents who are doing and feeling the same things as I am, “hot mess” is just the new “hot.” And Parent Nation, we still “got it.” I have a feeling this is going to be a pretty frickin awesome day! This Post was originally published here: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/hot-mess-is-the-new-hot_b_5577669.html... Recently AddedWhy You Should Take A Babymoon#MilfLife ArticlesThis Post was originally published on (link to post) http://milflife.online/why-you-should-take-a-babymoon/ I didn’t do any of the traditional things moms do when they’re pregnant. Covering myself in paper maché to commemorate my big belly didn’t appeal to me. I felt gross for most of my pregnancy, so an ethereal photo shoot near the ocean […]... Read more...21 Awesome Parenting Moments From Pink#MilfLife ArticlesThis Post was originally published on (link to post) Pink might be one of the most beloved celebrity moms on social media. The singer and her husband, Carey Hart, have a 7-year-old daughter named Willow and 1-year-old son named Jameson. Over the years, she has offered fans many glimpses into her life as a parent, […]... Read more...32 Hilarious Tweets For Parents Who Love Target#MilfLife ArticlesThis Post was originally published on (link to post) It’s no secret parents love Target. The Target obsession has even hit the parenting community on Twitter. To honor those whose hearts flutter at the sight of that familiar red logo, we’ve rounded up 32 relatable tweets about parents’ love for Target. I ran into Target to […]... Read more...A Love Letter To My Best Friend: Do You Know How Amazing You Are?#MilfLife ArticlesThis Post was originally published on (link to post) Originally published on Mother.ly by Colleen Temple Dear friend, I wanted to write to you to tell you something. Sometimes when you’re venting to me about a mistake you made or how you can’t find anything to wear that looks good on you, I’m baffled. I’m […]... Read more...Mom Uses Jimmy Fallon’s Contest To Send Powerful Message About Autism#MilfLife ArticlesThis Post was originally published on (link to post) When Kate Swenson first heard of the contest being put on by Jimmy Fallon and Today Parents that required kids to say “mama,” she couldn’t help but realize that Cooper ― her 6-year-old son who has autism and is nonverbal ― wouldn’t be able to participate. […]... Read more...This Mom Is Collecting Halloween Costumes For Kids Affected By Hurricane Irma#MilfLife ArticlesThis Post was originally published on (link to post) After Hurricane Irma devastated islands in the Florida Keys, Florida mom and second-grade teacher Krystal Langley started her own relief organization to help with the recovery. As one of her current projects, she hopes to offer some sort of normalcy for kids affected by the natural […]... Read more... 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